Attitudes to Consider for the Sake of Your Children
We at Saponaro Barach Bingham LLP know that even the sight of your recently divorced
ex-spouse may cause your teeth to grind and your fists to clench. The
memories of your unhappy union resurface and you wonder how you can possibly
continue to work with him or her in raising your children together.
We know it’s difficult, and truthfully, there is no cure-all for
this scenario. There are no tricks for forgetting that you hate your spouse.
However, there are a few thoughts we can offer that may help you change
your mindset and refocus your efforts from hating your ex-spouse to enduring
what you have to in order to provide your children the best upbringing
possible for the particular situation. Below are several attitudes you
can take on that will make this process easier.
You can endure anything for your children: If given the scenario of having to swallow hemlock or let your children
be harmed in any way, you would gladly choose poisoning yourself. Consider
this the next time you feel that pretending to get along with your ex-spouse
is impossible or just too hard. Your children want you both to be happy,
and this can be done for your children.
It’s OK for you and your ex-spouse to move on: You may not particularly enjoy the new motorcycle your ex-husband recently
bought or his new significant other, but you have to remember that you
two are now leading separate lives. What bonds you two together is your
mutual love for your children, and as long as your ex-spouse’s newly
made decisions are not directly endangering your children, these decisions
can be forgiven.
Holding on to anger and resentment will only hinder you: Refusing to forgive your ex-spouse or to interact with him or her in a
civil manner around your children will only continue to diminish the strength
of the family. Your children, even at very young ages, will notice and
begin lose faith you can all still be together and be happy. Additionally,
this pent up anger is detrimental to your overall health.
It can improve over time: In time, it will be easier to let go of or work through the traumatic memories
of the divorce. In the meantime, your children will persist in being the
light of both of your lives – an experience you can still share
together, married or not.
For more pertinent matters regarding the raising of your children or dealing
with your spouse or ex-spouse, call Saponaro Barach Bingham LLP at (888) 209-7080
to learn how our family law group can help.